Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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