3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
