afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
