Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
