Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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