how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
