I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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