so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
