WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The air was thick with penises
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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