wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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