i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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