Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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