I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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