So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
