By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
