I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
