All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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