woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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