I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
