now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
