Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
