Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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