that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
