I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
