Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
