Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
