Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
