Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
