My first STD was from a foam party
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
