Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
is it fun? or sober?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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