My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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