OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
