Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
