dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
