When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
