i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
