Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
