Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
