I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
