An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
