And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
