Can Purell be used as lube?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
