Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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