I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
