So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
