Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
