Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
