question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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