I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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