and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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