Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
