Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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