My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
