having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
