It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This couple is walking their pig around campus
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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