Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
