I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
