Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
