I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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