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Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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