i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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