Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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