I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
