I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
