I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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