i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
