Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
