I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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