You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
